Love, actually, at 50: ‘He’s literally the best thing that has ever happened to me’
‘He’s the best friend I have ever had.’
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Age: 50
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Ethnicity: Pākehā
Religion: Lukewarm Christian
Occupation: Manager and musician
Length of relationship: Married 15, together 17
Children: None
How we met: We were working together. One day an incident happened at work and he reacted in a certain way, and I thought “hold on, this guy is funny!”
The best thing about my relationship: We are an unbeatable team. We absolutely have each other’s back and will go to the wall for each other.
A problem we can’t seem to resolve: Silly things: I often forget to turn the extractor fan on while cooking, he leaves used dental floss on the soap in the shower (vom emoji!)
This is how we share/separate our finances: One account, all shared.
This is how we split chores and childcare: We both HATE cleaning so we employ someone to do that. He mostly works from home so does the majority of the cooking and most of the dishes. He does a lot of outside stuff – painting the house, gardening – and I do laundry and more inside tasks. We both feed the cat.
Our sex life in three words: Hot, tender, satisfying.
The thing that makes me a good partner: I am really loyal, I always let him know how much I appreciate him, I do things for him that he finds hard, I invest my time and energy into things that are important to him, and I prioritise time together. AND I give him head rubs!
The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Keep working on my listening skills and not to get defensive if he’s unhappy with something.
What I most appreciate in my partner: He is kind, gentle, an amazing listener, and really understands who I am. He’s the best friend I have ever had. And his laugh. I will do anything to make him laugh!
What I most resent in my relationship: Nothing.
The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: Slowing down. He jokes I’m the accelerator and he’s the brakes. And just being able to slow down and listen and not rush moments have made me a better person and partner.
It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: He’s more socially adept than I am. People assume that I’m more outgoing because I’m louder, and he’s quieter. But he’s AMAZING with people, and more confident in social situations than I am.
Our last big fight was: On Christmas morning, and I was quite stressed, and then I had a meltdown because I ruined the tahini dressing I was making. It wasn’t a fight as such, but he just got really stressed out because I was losing my shit. Now we joke about the “tahini sauce incident” all the time. This was about 8 years ago.
If I hadn’t met my partner: My life would not be as rich, content, fulfilled, exciting and creative as it is today. He’s literally the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I expect my relationship to last until: We die. I hope we go together.
My relationship advice is: Shared values are the building block to a lasting relationship. Looks, personality, interests… all the other stuff inevitably changes over time. But values last.
